The NFL will tout this week's match-ups as Reunion Week, withSteve Mariucci returning with Detroit to San Francisco; Mike Holmgrenand Seattle headed back to Green Bay; and Emmitt Smith and Arizonagoing back to Dallas.
Little secret they won't be revealing: Unless the underdogssuddenly receive a full-roster player transplant, none of those gamesshould be close.
Tennessee (-11/2)
at New England
First rule of sportswriting class is to never use the lame M*A*S*H-to-football injury comparison, so I won't go there. But I will saythat this week Teddy Bruschi showed up in a dress with an autographedpicture of Jamie Farr. TITANS, 20-17.
Cincinnati (+8)
at Buffalo
Viewers may question how the Bengals keep bengaling their way ontolocal TV, but how otherwise are we supposed to appreciate thedelicate genius of Jon Kitna and Brandon Bennett? BILLS, 30-24.
Miami (pick 'em)
at New York Giants
You have to credit Ricky Williams' rushing success in spite ofthat Loretta Lynn-length haircut. Truly Miami's mane man. DOLPHINS,27-24.
Seattle (+21/2)
at Green Bay
I'll take the team coached by a bloated Martin Mull. SEAHAWKS, 33-30.
Oakland (-4)
at Chicago
Googly-eyes Gannon lands in the middle of the Soldier Spaceship.Jean-Luc Picard surrenders. RAIDERS, 31-21.
New Orleans (+7)
at Carolina
Who would have ever thought that the Saints so lamented letting goof Jeff Blake? PANTHERS, 20-3.
Minnesota (-4)
at Atlanta
The Teapot Dome is the only one that could flummox Minnesota.VIKINGS, 35-14.
Denver (+31/2)
at Kansas City
KC's had all this success and yet we've barely scratched thetalents of Marc Boerigter. CHIEFS, 28-21.
Arizona (+71/2)
at Dallas
With the roll he's on, betting against Bill Parcells is likeexpecting him to wear pants that fit. It's not going to happen.COWBOYS, 26-13.
Washington (+51/2)
at Philadelphia
Word on the street is that McNabb guy is a big media creation.EAGLES, 24-21.
Detroit (+7)
at San Francisco
Dennis Erickson's disciplinary policies make Mariucci look like ahardcore John Ashcroft fan. 49ERS, 23-21.
Cleveland (+7)
at Pittsburgh
Cowher's club refuses to play along with my picks. I think I'llget this one right by the hair of his chinny chin chin. STEELERS, 23-14.
Indianapolis (+41/2)
at Tampa Bay
When I saw Warren Sapp dancing and gyrating in the end zone, Icouldn't help but think he'd be perfect in a Nell Carter TV movie.BUCS, 17-10.
Guest Prognosticator
Fans certainly give a hoot about my next guest, avian anti-litteradvocate Woodsy the Owl.
San Diego (+3)
at
Jacksonville
"As somebody who deals on a regular basis with garbage, I can tellyou that both these teams have been playing like trash. Stinky, sun-bleached, vulture-picked trash." CHARGERS, 24-21.
Picks of the Week
Commercial Not to Watch: Happy Jack can take his Hummer and keepright on driving out of heavy rotation.
Bill Romanowski Award (a new feature this week for the player whomost deserves a career-ending injury): Terrell Owens.
Season Record
Against the spread: 37-20-3 (.641), 10-3-1 (.750) last week.
Straight up: 38-22 (.633), 8-6 (.571) last week.
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